By Rendy Jones
May 16, 2024
TV networks come and go. While the state of cable TV now isnt particularly stable amid the constant streaming wars, TV network deaths have always been monumental funerals. Corporate mergers, changes in demographics, and budget cuts all contributed to channel deaths during the early 21st century that crushed my spirits long before Netflix even cast the first streaming stone.
Not a day goes by when I dont reflect upon my childhood spent watching programming on long-gone networks. These networks gave unrepresented artists platforms, brought audiences of underserved demographics together, and ultimately established specific TV identities. These are a few channels that deserve a second or third shot at life.
Spike TV
Before it became the Yellowstone and Friends channel, also known as Paramount Network, Spike TV was machismo-television personified. Who doesnt remember the days of watching Rambo, Star Wars marathons, and 1000 Ways to Die in rotation? While it was initially a very bro-y network, Spike constantly evolved to go beyond the product of its action meets TnA allure. It had a widened appeal beyond the cishet demographic for shows like Lip Sync Battle and Ink Masters to break the MAN-otony.
Spike had its identity, but with many kinds of dudes out there today of all shapes, sizes, and orientations, it was always going ahead of the curve, changing for the better with fine programming and a great film collection. Now its just Paramount. Yay for shapeless corporate redundancy!
G4
Hear me out. G4s second coming couldve done better without emphasizing Heres these internet personalities on your TV, as if people didnt watch Twitch streams on their TV sets already. Ideas like television-formatted Scott the Woz videos were a decent investment. Sadly, NBCUniversal/Comcast, the channels owner, gave G4 little time to let the ringleaders find a new identity for the channel. With a new vision and emphasis on TV exclusivity in programming, G4 could strive again. Besides, its as they say: Third times the charm.
Toon Disney
Toon Disneys current successor, Disney XD, was the GOAT channel during the mid-2010s. Rebranding the classic Disney-oriented network into an extreme, action-centric channel for a young adult demographic, with original shows that had more edge than your typical Disney show, made the channel thrive during the 2010s. Genre shows such as Gravity Falls, Kickin It, Star vs. the Forces of Evil, and Kick Buttowski all shaped Disney XDs identity and made it the place to watch great Disney series, more so than what was on Disney Channel back then.
Its 2024 now, and the network has lost its sauce. Since Disney+ exists, theres no newness to the channel whatsoever. All its current programming consists of reruns of concluded shows and ports of Disney channel shows. With it being a shell of its former glory, its time to bring back the first iteration, Toon Disney, and use it as a place to get late millennial to Gen-Z kids who are now adults back the network. It can play reruns of classic 90s-00s Disney toons, alongside the action shows of the 2010s.
Nick Gas
Lately, Nickelodeon has been testing their SpongeBob-infused waters with sports. The latest Super Bowl coverage featuring commentary from Tom Kenny in mocap as SpongeBob with appearances by Dora the Explorer became a Twitter-wide phenomenon earlier this year. Unquestionably, sports will become a mainstay on Nick as long as its sister network, CBS Sports, is up and running. So why not bring back the sports-geared Nick Channel, Nick Gas?
If theyre so keen on introducing kids to football but do not want to take any airtime away from the only two shows they run SpongeBob SquarePants and The Loud House a network dedicated to sports from a Nick-type lens as they did before would land! They can play the latest football games with their green coat of slime alongside showing reruns of their old game shows, such as Legends of the Hidden Temple and Double Dare. With Marc Summers returning in his one-man off-Broadway show, The Life and Slimes of Marc Summers, theres no better time to tackle a revival of this Nick sports channel. Im telling you, itd be so GAS. Nick Gas.
Chiller/Fearnet
Before Shudder became a new home for horror, there were Chiller and Fearnet. The former was the mainstay for thrillers, and the latter was horror. The NBCUniversal/Comcast-owned network had many gore fanatics blood a-pumping as they showcased classic works from Hitchco*ck to Craven on their respective channels.
I remember watching early Hitchco*ck films on Chiller and running in the opposite direction when my late dad was watching Saw off Fearnet. There was a particular novelty in having the exclusivity of classic genre cinema present off the two networks. They eventually became one when NBCUniversal merged all of Fearnets content into Chiller. Considering the name, I lose my mind over the fact that the parent company uses Syfy as its means to usher in original horror content. Its a great channel, but its misleading programming. A relaunch of Chiller and Fearnet would be a great way to bring young genre audiences back to cable television.
Soapnet
I have no quarrel with Disneys channel used for soap operas relaunching as strictly Disney Junior. However, many old ladies want to watch their soaps. And no, not off solely Lifetime either. There are over 10,000 episodes of General Hospital and One Life to Live. And the love has never ceased from its fanbase.
With Soapnet, Disney can dump all their current soap opera programs while adding some of their recent drama diversions from Hulu and put them through syndication, sitting alongside reruns of their other neverending programs of ABC yore like Greys Anatomy and .well, Greys Anatomy. Think about the grandmas who hate Lifetime and the Oprah Winfrey Network. Bring back Soapnet. Itll make all the mommas happy.
UPN
Ive never felt more incredible heartbreak in my childhood than when Paramount and WB merged to launch The CW and UPN died. And that includes my parents divorce. UPN was the gold mine for diverse Black content, unlike anything well ever get ever again. It launched beloved iconic sitcoms including Moesha, The Parkers, All of Us, Girlfriends, and One on One all shows that strayed from permeating Black stereotypes and focused on authentic culture through light, upbeat, humor and resounding honesty.
It was the antithesis of what BET is today or what it always has been. Then, when Viacom and Time Warner merged their networks, the latter owning The WB, UPN died, and The WB became The CW leaving the channels mascot, Michigan J. Frog, out of a job. UPNs shuttering was my Pompeii. Once the CW launched, many UPN shows made the cutting block because, lord knows, the teen-centric shows like One Tree Hill, Supernatural, and Smallville werent going anywhere. Black shows, however
Following Everybody Hates Chris and Akils The Game ending their CW runs in 2009, there was a drought in the Black-led series, making me nostalgic for the once-in-a-lifetime range we had in programming that I hope to one day get again. Even into my adult years, I wish a channel like UPN would return and take a chance on the variety of content it holds from live-action Black shows. UPN was the last great American antenna network that emphasized progressiveness that should be recaptured once again.
